Happy Fall, Y'all!

It's probably not a coincidence that my birthday marks the beginning of my favorite season - Fall. I love everything about Autumn. The crisp, cool weather. The need for sweaters, but not bulky winter coats. The oranges, reds, and browns. The crinkling of the leaves under my feet. Plump pumpkins and juicy apples. And Halloween.

And, on this last day of October, here are a few of my favorite Fall pics.

Happy Halloween!

Pumpkin Patch pics with Lolo and Lola

My Pumpkin Kids

Fun at Oktobertest

Halloween Costume Fun - Lissie's donut costume won her first place at a costume contest! She also had a blast going trick-or-treating.

Dear Xavier - Four Months

Dear Xavier,

Happy four months! Today also marks the day that you've been home longer than you've been in the NICU! I count my blessings all the time that you are home with us, growing stronger and healthier every day.

You're starting to wean off of oxygen, which hopefully means that by the end of the year we'll get to see your cute face sans cannula all the time! You got discharged from hematology, which means that the blood transfusions you received from the hospital did their jobs well and you're doing great! Your PDA in your heart is still open, but the cardiologist is confident that it will close on its own, but even if it doesn't, it isn't hindering your growth or development and she will do a simple procedure to close it herself when you are older.

And, of course, you're getting oh.so.BIG - 10 pounds, four ounces! It's hard to believe that four months ago you were my teeny tiny three pound preemie, especially when I nibble at your cheeks that rival Lissie's in chubbiness!

You still don't get out a lot, but you manage to still have fun. You love it when your sister shows you how to play with her toys, even though she sometimes gets frustrated with you that you don't really play with her so well yet.

You also love it when Lola comes over because she spoils you with clothes and lets you nap with her.

One of your favorite things is getting cozy in the Moby or stroller and going out for walks and basking in the beautiful fall weather.

I really think you're just glad to be home.

And, of course, we're glad you're here.

I love you. So much.

Love,

Mommy

Here are some pictures we took this month:

Your sister tried to change your diaper.

This time she was a tad bit more successful.

She also wanted to brush your hair.

If this is the face of a criminal mastermind, we are all doomed.

Sweet, sweet sleeping baby smiles.

Truly our miracle baby.

2u2 - A Reflection

Today Lissie turns 19 months old. Which makes today an appropriate time to reflect on life with two children under the age of two years old.

Before X was born, I honestly thought that having two kids so close together would be such a piece of cake. Lissie has always been a relatively easy baby. Sure, she gets fussy and has her moments, but I always know what's the matter - whether it be teething or hunger or tiredness. So adding another would be easy-breasy, right?

And, in general, I absolutely love that they are just 15 months apart. The sweet moments that they've already shared melt my heart away. For the most part, Lissie loves to "help" with X. She gives him his paci (even though it's backwards) when he fusses, she offers him diapers, she waves toys in front of his face, and she loves to lay next to him and give him the best slobbery kisses ever. She even leaves him presents while he is sleeping.

But then there are the times when I just want to tear my hair out and cry. The days when I count the minutes until Justin gets home. The moments when I cross my fingers that they will both take a nap so that I can have at least a tiny bit of respite.

And so I've narrowed it down as to why I feel this way.

Firstly, while Lissie has been an easy baby, she never had to share our attention. And when she wants it, she wants it. Her first full-blown tantrum occurred shortly after X came home. It doesn't help that Justin and I are both only children, so we feel her pain. I've shed many a tear apologizing to Lissie because I feel bad that she doesn't have us all to herself anymore. She can't help that she wants us to play with her, and I feel bad when I can't because I have to tend to her brother instead.

Secondly, while Lissie has started to increase her vocabulary and can understand a lot of what we say, it is still very difficult (impossible, perhaps) to rationalize with a 19-month old. "Lissie, your crying and screaming in front of your brother will only prolong the amount of time it takes for him to take a nap and for me to play with you." Yeah, that doesn't cut it. No matter how many times I try.

Thirdly, since X is still on oxygen, he's essentially "tethered" to one corner of the house unless I feel brave enough to take him off oxygen for a little while. Because he is primarily staying in one spot, both Lissie and I have been getting a little stir crazy with cabin fever. And, even if he is allowed to wean off oxygen soon, we are right in the midst of flu/cold/RSV season and every bit of research I've read says that we need to stay under quarantine until April. I sometimes get lax and let a friend come over so that Lissie can have some playtime, but I have a feeling that I'm going to have to put a stop to that in the next few weeks just to ensure the safety of my son because if he gets sick, it pretty much means an automatic trip back to the hospital. And then I feel bad because, while I want to do everything I can to protect him, Lissie ends up bearing the brunt of it by having to be under quarantine, too, even though she's perfectly healthy.

Fourthly, the exhaustion. Lissie started sleeping through the night pretty early on, so I was able to get my sleep to handle each day. However, X needs to eat every 3 hours and, because he is under fluid restrictions due to his chronic lung disease, he needs to take bottles so I know exactly how much milk he takes in. As such, I'm up every 3 hours to not only feed him, but to pump as well. The first few weeks wasn't so bad, but as time has gone on, the lack of sleep is starting to get to me.

But, alas, every time I complain, I always have to remind myself that I should just be happy that I have something to complain about. X is healthy. X is home. Lissie really is a wonderful big sister. She just can't help the fact that she's only 19-months old and needs some mommy love, too.

I just have to keep reminding myself that very soon this phase will be over and, just as we already do when we look back on the early months of Lissie's life, we will laugh. And so I choose to just cherish. Savor the sweet and remember that everything else will pass before I know it. Because, really, I am truly blessed.