Dear Xavier - Eleven Months

Dear Xavier,

This month was full of all sorts of surprises - some good, some not so much. You are now crawling up a storm, pulling yourself up, and cruising! It all happened in about a two week span, and boy has life changed for all of us as a result.





You.are.ALL.boy. Without a doubt. I can't leave for half a second without hearing a crash, a cry, or a "No, Xavier, no!" from Lissie or daddy or whoever might be with you. I never had this problem with Lissie - those safety locks in the kitchen were short-lived because she just wasn't interested in getting into anything. You? Ha. Anything's game. If it's not a toy, we can be sure you're gonna make a beeline for it. You are constantly on the move trying to figure out what's next to break or throw or place in your mouth. Silly, silly boy giving us a run for our money. Even Rupert is getting a workout because of you.



And because you are so active, it made us so so sad to see you so sick a few week's ago. You were so pitiful - not wanting to eat or play or even smile. Just sleep. For three days in the hospital and a week or so at home. It broke my heart not being able to do anything to make your feel better.



Oh, Xavier. As much as I love watching you grow and change into the toddler you are rapidly becoming, I miss my little teeny preemie. My baby. It's all happening fast. Too fast. And I'm trying so hard to cherish every moment before it's gone.



I love you.

Love,

Mommy

A Mother's Day Trip to the ER

A wine tasting, Brazilian steakhouse, and a delicious dinner cooked by my husband. That was the plan for Mother's Day weekend.

A sick baby, a crabby toddler, and a trip to the ER is what I ended up receiving.

It all started about a week ago when Xavier had a runny nose. No big deal - we had been spending a ridiculous amount of time enjoying beautiful weather outside, so it must be allergies, right? Then Lissie got a runny nose, too. Still allergies or their first shared cold? We weren't so sure. Lissie got better, Xavier got worse. On Tuesday, he was his usual self except for a slight temperature. Wednesday was the same - except his temp spiked to 102. Being a preemie with prior lung issues, that is the magic number that constitutes a trip to the pediatrician's office, where they detected a slight wheeze and started him on breathing treatments. He seemed to be getting better and on the mend by Friday's follow-up checkup.



And then things quickly started to spiral downward. He skipped a feeding or so, he wouldn't wake up, and his breathing was getting faster and faster. We called the pedi just to see what they would say, and we heard the words that we weren't expecting nor did we want to hear: "Take him immediately to the ER. Do you need an ambulance?" Yeah, you can imagine that I was a mess with tears and fear for my sweet little baby.

We declined the ambulance, and Justin left immediately with Xavier while I followed as soon as Lola came over to watch Lissie. By the time I got there, they were in a room marked "Critical Care," and you can guarantee that didn't help me feel better about things. His breathing was still elevated and he was very lethargic while they started breathing treatments and took chest x-rays. His oxygen levels were dropping, so they put back that nasal cannula and pulse oximeter on him that we definitely didn't miss these past few months. The diagnosis was bronchiolitis, a normally mild virus that unfortunately took a toll on Xavier due to his prematurity and already weakened lungs.



We were given a room where we just waited. Waited for Xavier to start perking up, start eating better, and stop needing that supplemental oxygen. On Saturday, I detected just one - ONE - smile from my normally happy, smiley baby. He was so sad, miserable, pitiful, and I felt so helpless for my little guy. Sunday, Mother's Day, practically just came and went. He was a little better but still not ready to go home.

It was eerily reminiscent of those NICU days - when Xavier needed oxygen and monitors and didn't want to take bottles. Days that I never wanted to relive again, and it made me so sad to see my little guy back in the hospital again.




Luckily, by the third day, Xavier decided he wanted to go home. He still isn't his happy self, but he's at least eating better and off of that oxygen. Oh, what a relief to be back at home as a family of four! We are all exhausted but so happy to be home, sweet home.

So, yeah, it didn't turn out at all like the Mother's Day weekend that I had planned. But the outcome is still the same: I have a beautiful, wonderful family and we are all healthy (or at least on the mend) and happy!