Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Dear Xavier - Three Months

Dear Xavier,

Happy Three Months, Buddy! You're growing so well - over 8 pounds now. You're still on oxygen, but hopefully (God-willing) only for another few weeks when we go back to the pulmonologist, since you're doing so well.

You've adjusted to life at home, it seems. You continue to take everything in with your expressive dark eyes. You're getting used to your sister's "helpful" ways. You enjoy the times when I get brave enough to let you off oxygen so that we can take Rupert for a quick walk or let Lissie enjoy some time outside.

And we love having you home. Sure, sometimes you and your sister drive me crazy when you both demand my attention at the Exact.Same.Time, but all the sweet moments you two share make it all worth it.

This next month is full of doctor's visits with your many specialists, and we are praying that they will all say that you're doing so well that we will be discharged from their services.

We're heading into flu/cold/RSV season, and it is starting to scare me. I promise to do all that I can to protect you from harm.

I love you, little guy. Stay strong and healthy.

Love,

Mommy

Sunday, September 23, 2012

A Happy 32

Yesterday I celebrated my 32nd birthday.

It was probably the lowest-key birthday ever, and I am absolutely okay with that. Justin had to work, so we celebrated together last weekend with a much needed date night and ended with him going to an urgent care clinic for treatment for MRSA (don't worry - he's fine now). On my actual birthday, the two kiddos were as marvelous as ever...and even synchronized their nap schedules (a much surprising rarity, given that Xavier sleeps almost all.the.time) so that I could have a moment of peace (which was happily spent cleaning and organizing). My parents came in the afternoon so that I could run errands and make it to Mass before a scrumptious dinner of pancit, ribs, egg rolls, and (as per tradition) ice cream cake for dessert. Thanks, mom!

For the first time ever, I don't think I took a single picture of my birthday celebrations. So, instead, I'm including some pics from our latest family photo/Xavier's newborn/Lissie's 18-month photography session. Because, really, that was the best gift.

The gift of my family all under one roof.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Dear Lissie - A Year and a Half

Dear Lissie,

18 months already?!? It's hard to believe that you're now inching closer to two than you were to one. I've even started doing some research in where we can have your second birthday party. It's not too early to start planning, right?

In the last six months, you have grown so much. Daddy and I can't believe how much of a "kid" you are, and how the "baby" in you is starting to fade away.

You toddle around all over the place and are curious about everything. Your vocabulary has increased, and you understand a lot more than we want to believe. And you've become a wonderful big sister and an excellent mommy's helper.

In fact, when Lola was taking care of you and your brother yesterday, she had to tend to a fussing Xavier. You tugged on her pants, and Lola was going to tell you to wait and be patient, until she looked down and saw that you were holding up one of Xavier's diapers as if to say, "Here - this might help him stop crying." It made my heart melt to hear that you wanted to help your Lola and brother.

I'll admit that I was worried when we brought Xavier home a few weeks ago because I didn't know how you would react to the new baby. Especially since your reaction when we placed him in the car seat next to you was less than thrilled.

But I couldn't have asked for anything better. You've been so good to him and patient with me. Sure, when you were sick last week you wanted my attention a little bit more, but overall, you seem to really understand what it means to be a good big sister. Thank you, sweet girl, for being so caring.

I am truly blessed to be able to stay at home to watch you grow, learn, and discover. You can identify several body parts. You love to pretend play. You enjoy coloring and playing with play-do. You love building things with your blocks and then making them go "boom." You've mastered your shape sorter and stacking toys.

Happy half birthday. I can't wait to see what you're going to be up to next. I love you so much.

Love,

Mommy

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Happy "birthday," Xavier!

My trusty Cozi calendar informed me that today is Baby #2's birthday. I had programmed the event way back when I thought we were having a scheduled C-section, and I never changed it after Xavier was born. At first, I was confused when I saw the event alarm because I thought someone was playing a weird joke on me. Then, when I realized what today was, it made me a bit sad since, if Xavier had been born as planned, things would have been so different. We wouldn't be off to constant doctor's appointments and worried about his continued health and growth or making sure that everyone who we encounter hasn't been sick or smell of smoke. But, alas, he is over two months old now, and I am just happy that he is home with us and doing well.

When Lissie was born, she gave her version of her birth story. So, today, on what would have been Xavier's birthday, I present….

Xavier's Birth Story, as told by Xavier.

I was really comfortable in my uterine hotel. I loved to do flips and kicks to make sure my mommy knew that I was having a blast in my temporary home. I was looking forward to growing and developing for another couple of months before seeing my family face-to-face.

But something really strange happened right before I was born.

Things just didn't seem right. Something must have been going on outside. Mommy didn't seem to be feeling well and, as a result, I started to not feel well, either. I could hear lots of voices - people telling mommy to breathe and wake up - and I kept hoping she would listen to them because if she was okay, then that would mean that I'd be okay, too. Soon we got whisked away in a car that made loud siren noises, and mommy was trying very hard to explain to the man that she was feeling weird stomach pains - contractions, perhaps- and that it was difficult for her to stay awake. They kept poking and prodding her so that she wouldn't go to sleep, and that got really uncomfortable for me, too.

Soon enough, they wheeled us into a different place where even more people were coming up to mommy, trying to make her feel better. They hooked her up to a machine so that they could feel me and see how I was doing. I tried my best to do well, but I must not have done a very good job because the doctor told mommy that she was bleeding in her uterus and, as a result, I was not in good shape. They needed to do an emergency C-section to save both mommy and me.

I was scared. I still had two and a half more months left in my cozy home, and I wasn't sure if I had what it takes to survive in the outside world yet. I know mommy was scared, too. She kept crying and trying to convince the doctors and daddy that she was actually okay and was ready to go home. She didn't want to hear about the possible need for transfusions or that the staff in the NICU was excellent and would provide me with the best care.

Soon enough, though, mommy had to say a tear-filled good bye to daddy and was taken to a special room to get ready for surgery. Because of the suddenness and severity of the situation, she needed general anesthesia, which meant that a few moments later, when I first made my appearance, she wasn't able to see me and say hello. In fact, I was so startled by how fast everything was happening, that I totally forgot that I need to breathe when I enter the Outside World. The doctor had to perform CPR before I finally figured out how to breathe on my own. I don't think I did it well, though, because they immediately intubated me, inserted a ventilator, performed all sorts of tests, and hooked me up to all sorts of things to help me function outside of mommy's safe womb.

I'll admit that those first few hours were very scary for me. I was being poked and prodded by so many people, none of whom were my mommy and daddy. After five hours or so, though, daddy was able to come in and check on me. He took pictures to show mommy because she was still recovering in SICU and wasn't able to visit just yet. In fact, over an entire day had passed before I was able to see and hear mommy. It was such a relief to see her that I didn't want to let her go.

I had to stay in the place they called the NICU for two months. Even though I wanted to go home when Mommy went home a week after my birthday, she told me that it was for the best that I stay in the hospital so I can learn all of the things that I would have learned inside. I had a few scary moments - when I was placed under the bili lights for days on end; when I had my two blood transfusions; when they gave me medication to close the fetal hole in my heart; when I had apnea spells and needed caffeine boosts to make them go away - but, overall, it was time well spent. I learned how to function on mostly room air (although I still need a little bit of oxygen while at home), sleep in a crib (something that took my big sister MONTHS to do), and take bottles (which was really hard for me at first, but once my sucking reflex fully developed, I could eat like a champ). It also gave my sister some time to get used to my presence, as well as for mommy to recover completely before taking full care of two children under two years old.

Now I'm home. And I'm loving it. Lissie is a wonderful big sister. She likes to give me kisses and tickle my toes and fingers. She also tries to feed me cupcakes from her cupcake kitchen and, even though I think it's fun, mommy tells her not to. She makes sure mommy and daddy know when I'm crying, and she giggles with glee when she sees me first thing in the morning.

Mommy and daddy are enjoying having me home, too. They had forgotten how much newborns sleep, and they call me an "easy baby" - much easier than my sister, even. I guess it helps that in the NICU I had to get used to sleeping with lots of lights and noise, so I can sleep pretty much anywhere. Occasionally, I'll make them work hard - like when I made daddy hold me the entire time my sister's godmother and husband visited or the time when it took two changes of clothes and several diapers before I was finally clean enough to be put back in my crib - but, overall, it's been great. I do have lots of doctors' visits on the schedule for the next few months, just to make sure I'm growing and developing well. But fingers crossed, I'm right on schedule and can hopefully be rid of the extra oxygen soon.

So that's my story so far. Even though I made my appearance ahead of schedule and threw my parents for a ginormous loop, I'm a big fighter, despite my small size. And I'm very much loved. And that's really all that matters.

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