In that last blog, I recapped 2019 and looked ahead to 2020 with the word "Family" as the one that would guide me through.
And, true to its word, Family - my dad, my husband, my children, but also my aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends who are so close that they are practically Family - did guide me through what ended up being an overall not-so-very merry 2020.
I had big hopes for this year. My extended family was going to suprise my parents by coming for Easter and their 40th wedding anniversary. X was making his First Communion. We were going on a month-long trip to the Philippines over the summer, where my parents would help show my kids their heritage. I was finally moving back to teaching second grade and a classroom I helped design. All was going to be awesome.
And then it wasn't. Yes, I know that everyone had a pretty terrible 2020 due to COVID and quarantine. If I'm being totally honest, though, I actually didn't mind most of the shutdown. We are a family that is usually on-the-go....planning our next vacation or road trip. This quarantine helped us appreciate life in the home more and helped us realize that there's lots of pleasure to be had in just being present. The kids mastered their cooking skills (mom even showed them how to make some favorite Filipino dishes), and I tried my hand at bread baking. (Months later, I'm still trying to get that quarantine weight under control. Even though we made a point to exercise daily, the calorie intake definitely wasn't proportional!) We enjoyed more Family time - played lots of board games, read tons of books, did lots of crafting, and worked on some "quaran-tets".
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| Game nights became the new norm. |
What's more socially distant than camping?
I'm not saying that the quarantine didn't have its challenges, of course. For a while, Justin slept on an air mattress, had his own designated bathroom, and kept as much distance from us as possible since we were concerned about exposing my mom. There was a weekend where the stress got too much for all of us and we ended up camping out at a friend's house who had been spending their quarantine in Florida. And how can we forget the element of virtual school? Teaching virtually was something to get used to and was definitely not ideal, and having two elementary-aged children who also were doing their lessons online made things more than just a little tricky, but we made the most of it and actually started to not mind it much at all.
COVID definitely helped fill the year with lots of disappointments. The suprise Easter/Anniversary party never happened. Xavier's First Communion was twice postponed, and he was very upset that it was not the big celebratory event with lots of family and friends that it was the year before when Lissie made hers. (It was still a beautiful occasion, but it had to be just the core four of us since we wanted my parents to stay home due to COVID concerns.) Our big trip to the Philippines was cancelled. Going back to school in the fall was exciting but different in that I had to change rooms twice (first grade to second grade then to the music room to help allow for social distancing) and add in all of the other safety precautions to the standard curriculum.
But what I will remember most about 2020 is that this was the year I lost my mom. She had battled cancer for three years, and she did it so effortlessy that most of the time I failed to see its effects on her. Even to the end when she was weak and obviously in pain, she always exuded strength. She truly suffered silently, and as I said in my eulogy - I now see how Jesus endured his agony on the cross. It was all about Faith and the knowledge that there would be pain-free glory in the resurrection and the world to come.
Of course it doesn't make me miss her any less, though. Life without her has not been easy. We may not have been the type to always say "I love you" but we confided in each other always, and I looked for her input in just about everything. The "firsts" without her have been difficult - my birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas. 2021 will be my first full year without her, and thinking about it that way makes it near impossible to move forward.
Which is why my 2021 WotY is Strength.
- Because yes, while life without my mom sometimes seems unbearable, it's definitely not un-doable - I just need to find Strength to carry on.
- Because while I want to wallow in self-pity and do nothing but watch Netflix or read, I need to find Strength to move past it and focus on my Family First.
- Because, quite literally, I need to incorporate more intensive exercise and Strength-training into my life because, well, COVID (and stress) weight gain have gotten the best of me.
- Because, in 2021, my ultimate priorities are to Strengthen my spirit, mind, body, and character.
- Because of this quote from Proverbs 31:25:
But, before I do, here are some of my bright lights of 2020.
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| Xavier made his First Reconciliation! (This was just practice.) |
